halrunkel
I like to say successful marriages are enjoyed by couples who master happy incompatibility. A bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it? But then love is full of paradoxical idioms like “hopeless romantic”, “tough love”, or as Shakespeare’s Romeo said, “O brawling love! O loving hate!”
Incompatibility happens when spouses retain their separate, distinct identities within their union; happy happens when spouses learn to accept the differences, and even celebrate them.
Many synergistic examples prove that one harmonious outcome can be the result of two distinct and often seemingly incompatible entities: hydrogen and oxygen (source of life…aka water), chocolate and peanut butter (Reese’s, anyone?), rain and sunlight (rainbow connection!), even hot and cold (hot fudge sundae, please). One might dub these happy combos as being “two-gether”.
By retaining and strengthening your individual selves and allowing them to function as a continuum of change, rather than a war of opposites, the perfectly imperfect dynamic produces surprisingly happy results—a marriage that balances on authentically represented individuals, willing to accept one another and grow, flaws and all.
When you need a quick reminder of this principle, just remember the duality miracle that is water—or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” (Dave Meurer, “Daze of Our Wives”)
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
