halrunkel
“Vows made in storms are forgotten in calm.” (Thomas Fuller)
At ScreamFree we believe that conflict in marriage is not only normal and healthy, it’s inevitable. Thus, a focus on how we conduct ourselves within these conflicts is paramount. But it doesn’t start or end there; the revelations and truths exchanged during conflict are easily forgotten when things are calm.
Think about dieting. First, a conflict presents itself: too many cookies, can’t button jeans. Then comes a revelation: weigh gained, need to lose weight. The resolution: go on strict diet, weight lost, jeans fit again!
The problem is that diets (resolutions) are generally reactive to the weight gain (conflict) and not focused on long-term eating habits (daily marriage). The results are temporary; when your weight is stabilized you start thinking cookies are good again, and the yo-yo dieting cycle continues.
Like a diet, couples generally treat problems reactively rather than preventatively. Conflicts aren’t the only time to work on your marriage; this is an everyday lifestyle choice. Use conflicts to discover your role in the pattern, and follow through even when the skies seem to clear (and your jeans button again).
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
