halrunkel
When we get married, it’s said that two become one. But what does oneness mean exactly? Many couples find trouble when they take their marital merging to mean a constant state of solidarity — as if having a united front means shared interests, goals, hopes, and even feelings.
Many couples experience a false sense of connection when building their relationship means only focusing on what they have in common.
The need to feel on the same page as your spouse at all times is simply not healthy — nor is it realistic. There will be anxiety that arises as we evolve, and our changed perceptions of life may clash with our spouse’s.
But successful marriages are those that recognize that oneness isn’t sameness. Loving one another doesn’t mean echoing one another’s actions and identities like shadows. Loving one another means accepting one another as individuals and allowing one another to grow and change independently over time.
Drop the automatic agreement in your marriage and delight in one another’s wholly distinctive identities.
“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” (Plutarch)
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
