halrunkel
“I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more.” (Candice Bergen)
There are plenty of well-intentioned but mistaken people who will tell you being married means you’re no longer an individual but merely one-half of the whole. They may even introduce you to their “better half.”
But in marriage, that math doesn’t add up, because there must be two whole 1s in a healthy relationship, not two halves (and certainly not one half being better than the other).
Come to think of it, 1+1=2 doesn’t quite work either, because the 1s have to disappear and be replaced by a 2.
Perhaps this is a case where Roman numerals are helpful. In Roman numerals it would look like this: I+I=II. Now each I is present in the problem, and each I is part of the solution. Marital math is not addition by subtraction. When you start trying to subtract (your identity, responsibilities, feelings, etc.) you just end up with 0.
Roman numerals take a while to get used to, but, in this case, they communicate a great truth: 1 may be the loneliest number, but Intimacy begins with an I.
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
