halrunkel
“The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.” (Cyril Connolly)
In the movie “Castaway,” Tom Hanks’ character makes his own “friend” named Wilson out of a painted volleyball in order to have someone to talk to through his struggle to survive. Sometimes when we’re looking for a spouse, we are really just seeking our own “Wilson” — someone who will listen or just “be there” for us. The idea of facing the obstacles, discomfort and uncertainties of life solo can be frightening.
Being able to rely on someone or be comforted by another isn’t a bad thing, but it is not enough to build a marriage on. Using this criterion alone, you’re building a connection no more real than Hanks’ connection with Wilson.
The choice to marry and stay married cannot be driven by fear of being alone. We must shift away from a Gloria Gaynor mindset (“At first I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinking I could never live without you by my side…”) to becoming an allied pair of Survivor contestants—able to survive alone but stronger together.
It’s not, “I can’t live without you,” it should be, “I can live alone, but I want to do life with you.”
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
