halrunkel
“Togetherness is a good thing. Separateness is a good thing. We need each in order to have a really great relationship, and they need to be balanced. Even more important is the ability to combine the two at the same time.” (John & Linda Friel)
I remember, as a kid, being fascinated by conjoined twins. I would read stories in the Guinness Book of World Records, and I would watch TV specials on the courageous families and doctors facing the challenges of living life literally joined at the hip. These people faced unbelievable choices, and almost always came away with some sense of gratitude for the lessons learned on along the way.
But no one ever claimed that being conjoined was an ideal situation.
Imagine my surprise when I grew up to discover this is often promoted as the ideal relationship in marriage. Our love songs, our family legacies, and even our best relationship experts offer us a vision of marriage that is simply unsustainable.
We’re always supposed to be on the same page.
We’re supposed to complete one another and meet one another’s needs.
You were an independent single person, but now that you’re married, you’re simply half of a whole — needier than you ever were before.
Separation is a good thing. Individuality is a good thing. It’s not just okay; it’s vital to have some separate interests, opinions, positions, circles. That way, when you are together with your spouse, it feels like a voluntary connection between two people facing each other, instead of an inescapable attachment of two people joined at the hip.
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
