halrunkel
“Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony or a piece of paper from the State.” (Kathleen Norris)
A minister may call on the power vested in him to pronounce you husband and wife, but the pronouncement itself does not a marriage make. You must look beyond the label to examine the contents: the people you are individually. True intimacy is only possible when both parties represent themselves authentically, and, without intimacy, you’re strangers in a marriage.
In the film “Mona Lisa Smile,” one of the central characters is a young, newlywed student. She has a “perfect” wedding and settles into her “perfect” home with her “perfect” husband. She has what looks like a “perfect” life.
But this turns out to be a facade. Behind the scenes, they’re alienated from one another. He’s having an affair. She’s terribly unhappy. The lesson of the film is that a successful marriage can’t be one that merely looks good from the outside. They slapped a label on it without looking closely at the contents.
Successful marriages are made of two individuals who pursue intimacy through authenticity. This cannot be faked or manufactured, and no certificate in the world can make it happen. The only people who can make it true are you and your spouse.
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
