halrunkel
“Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then it becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything.” (Anna Quindlen)
It might surprise you to know that I completely agree with this statement. I know, I know, that sounds mighty strange coming from a “parenting expert”, but it’s a sentiment I echo wholeheartedly, especially considering the context of the article Quindlen wrote. She’s reflecting on raising her now grown children and she recalls how each of them responded very differently to everyday issues such as sleeping, school, discipline, chores, life in general.
I won’t give parents “the” answer to their child’s specific issue of the day, and they often get a bit frustrated with me because of that. My reasoning is as follows: each child is unique. Each parent is too. There is not one answer sheet that contains exactly the right thing to do in every situation. How boring would that be?
The most important thing in parenting is to write your own essay, not copy someone else’s. You have to have a basic plan for how you want it to turn out, and you should have a very good understanding of the principles involved, but you also have to be flexible with the process itself of writing.
Let go of exactly what it will look in the end and allow the writing of the essay to teach you something about yourself. Both you and your child will be better off, and you’ll end up creating a great story together along the way.
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
