halrunkel
“For everyone you create to be dependent on you, you are equally dependent on them. Neither relationship is healthy.” (Alan Cohen)
A recent trend in families has been dubbed “attachment parenting.” The goal of this approach is to create highly empathetic and “connected” children through lots of physical contact, crib-free sleeping (meaning there’s no such thing as mom & dad’s bed; there’s a “family bed”), even prolonged breast-feeding (up to six years of age).
While it is claimed that these tactics create a stronger bond between parent and child, the inevitable side-effect is also a stronger sense of dependence. Few parents set out to intentionally create dependent children; we want strong, independent children who will be equipped to succeed in the world on their own.
Ultimately, attachment parenting as described above may have more to do with a parent’s unhealthy need to be needed. Our children are not here to satisfy our desires or bring us fulfillment. When we establish a child’s dependency on us, we’re simultaneously cementing our dependence on them.
Outside of a tax form, we should not claim any dependents. Rather, we should aim to raise self-sufficient, highly capable adults who will have the strength to face the world confidently on their own.
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
