halrunkel
I can’t even begin to tell you how often I hear from parents how tired they are of being talked to disrespectfully. To be honest, I’ve said it myself on more than a few occasions. Here’s my take on it. When we demand respect, we appear needy. Instead, we should command respect.
That slight difference means this: before you expect your child to treat you with dignity and honor, you have to extend that to him. You model to him how a strong person interacts in a relationship. You model for him a presence that is kind and compassionate, one who doesn’t need the other person’s approval or validation to feel good.
When we find ourselves on the battlefield with our kids, more times than not, we’ve drawn the lines. That doesn’t mean, of course, we should just take abuse that kids hurl our way. It’s just we shouldn’t take it personally.
Deflect all that venom and help them see what it is they are really angry with. In their own immature way, they are asking you for help. The journey is arduous and long; true strength is staying calm and connected through it as you offer them a cup of cold comfort rather than one of bitter bile.
“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.” (John Locke (1632-1704))
Peace begins with a pause,
Hal
